I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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