Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
