He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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