OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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