I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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