Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize