Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We left an ass print on the piano.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
