Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
