I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
