# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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