Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
