You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
