There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
