I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
