better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He felt like a one man threesome
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
