Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
