is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When are your genitals available?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
