I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
