I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
