k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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