Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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