Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
