it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His nipple licking is glorious
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