hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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