Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
