what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
