This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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