Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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