I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
