idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
