Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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