I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
