Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
