Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I could make wine with my vomit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
