He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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