i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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