I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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