You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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