Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden

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(253): View more from Washington

Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.

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(207): View more from Maine

Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.

Fav 30 6385 2014
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?

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(253): View more from Washington

I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!

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