It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
