every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
