I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
