This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
