There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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