what if every blade of grass was a penis?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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