Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
