I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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