when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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