My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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