remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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