Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
