I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
