pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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