I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
