I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
