If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
