so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
