I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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