weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
