when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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