I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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