Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
