The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
