I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
