Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
